


Let Her Go

by VIKKIISACREEP



Series: Alison series [2]
Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Depression, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Talking To Dead People, almost suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2018-11-02 14:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10946835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VIKKIISACREEP/pseuds/VIKKIISACREEP
Summary: Part two of the 'Alison' trilogy.A follow up to 'Stay The Night.'Sal is losing his best friend. Ever since that night, since Alison died, Q had been a different person. He'd talk to her like she was still there, and Sal was left to pick up the pieces.With nobody to help him, who can he turn to? Who will help him make Brian see that he has to let her go?





	1. Slipping.

**Author's Note:**

> This is part two of a trilogy. 
> 
> Posting this in full here so I can continue with the third installment. 
> 
> Leave comments if you wish to do so. Don't forget to vote. Thank you!

"Please be here when I wake up."

 

_**"I'm not here at all, Diamond. I'm all in your head."** _

Sal Vulcano was worried. His best friend was slipping away, mentally at least, and he was the only person who could help him. Every morning he'd go to Brian's house, find two plates out for dinner, only one having been eaten, and he'd have to clean up and try to carry on as normal.

"Fuck." Today was no different. There was the plates, one full and one empty, and two glasses. Sal took a deep breath and sighed, clearing the dishes away before going to wake up his friend.

Q stirred awake as Sal shook him softly, and immediately he turned to look at the pillow beside him, groaning as he realised nobody was there. She was gone again. She never stayed the night. Sal smiled softly and moved away to grab clothes for Brian, telling him to go shower. Q got up slowly and squeezed Sal's shoulder as he passed, shuffling to the bathroom.

Vulcano made his way downstairs, hunting through the kitchen cupboards and breathing a sigh of relief as he found them almost empty. He might actually get Brian out of the house today, maybe make him see some sense. He grabbed a jacket for Q, knowing how cold it is, and waited at the bottom of the stairs.

"It'd be nice if you were here when I wake up. I hate when you just disappear." Sal took a deep breath, hearing Q talking to her again. She wasn't there, she died a year ago. But Brian just couldn't let her go, he couldn't accept that she was gone.

A few minutes later Q appeared on the stairs and Sal held out his jacket, making Q look at him confused as he slid it on. "You have no food in the house. We need to go shopping."

"I'll just get take out." Brian mumbled, moving down a step before sighing as Sal gave him that look, the look that was halfway between hurt and pleading, and he just couldn't say no. Sal smiled as Q put on his shoes, and he rushed him out the door before he had time to change his mind.

"So how is everything?" Sal asked as he started the car, heading for the closest grocery store. "How are you doing?"

"You see me everyday, Salvatore." Brian sighed, staring out of the window. He knew what Sal was getting at but he just didn't want to deal with that right now. "I'm fine."

"Okay." Sal mumbled, not wanting to push him. They sat together in silence, so close in the proximity of the car but feeling like they were miles apart. He was losing his best friend. Q was slipping away from him, he could feel it. He swung the car into a parking lot and took a space near the store, giving Brian a soft smile. "We're here."

"I can see that, buddy." Q grumbled as he got out the car, slipping on his sunglasses. He fell into stride with Sal and waited patiently as he got a cart, before heading inside. A few store patrons started mumbling to each other, and Brian knew they'd been recognised. Thankfully since that night, fans didn't approach too much. "Let's make this quick, man. I don't feel so good."

"We won't be long." Sal told him, a reassuring look on his face. Brian smiled back and started picking up random items, not even checking what they were. "The fresh air will do you good."

"This is a grocery store, Salvatore." Q couldn't help chuckling lightly, earning a grin from Sal. "It smells like ass in here."

It was almost as if Brian was his old self again. Sure, he still looked dishevelled and tired, clearly exhausted. But he had that glint back in his eye, and that mischievous smile, and Sal had missed it. They rounded a corner to the frozen food aisle, chatting like old times, when Q stopped suddenly, frozen in place.

"Q? Buddy?" Sal asked him, standing in front of gis friend. It was as if Q was staring straight through him, and suddenly he was moving, charging toward a girl a bit further down from them. "Oh no."

**_"Alison?"_ Q charged towards her, arm outstretched. He placed his hand on the girl's shoulder and she turned, smiling up at him. **

****

****

**"Can I help you?" It wasn't her. Of course it wasn't. Q stepped back, shaking his head, and turned to look at Sal. It took less than three seconds for Sal to realise Q's next move, but by then it was too late.**

He snapped. The girl took off running as Q let out a frustrated, heartbroken yell. He was angry, upset. He was still so broken, and he grabbed whatever he could to throw it. Sal grabbed him, and dragged him kicking and screaming from the store, yelling curses at the people who started to record them. He managed to get Q in the car, speeding back to Q's place as Q punched at the dashboard. 

"Stop." Sal told him firmly, looking over as he drove. Q let out another frustrated cry and Sal reached over, grabbing his hand. _**"Fucking stop!"**_

Brian threw himself back in his seat like a frustrated and angry child, face red and puffy, obviously having been crying. Sal couldn't bring himself to feel bad though. He was angry too. Brian may have lost Alison that night, but so did Sal. Sal lost her, and he lost his best friend. 

As soon as Sal pulled up, Q threw open the car door and got out, not bothering to close it as he headed to his front door. Sal followed him, slamming the door shut and waiting as Q unlocked the door. The second the door shut behind them, Q started yelling again, and Sal couldn't take it anymore. 

"Shut the fuck up!" Q looked at him, shocked by the sudden outburst, and Sal stepped forward, shoving him hard. "She is fucking gone! She's gone and you need to fucking cut the shit!" 

"She's not gone! She's here!" Q screamed suddenly and Sal laughed, harsh and angry. Q glared at him, hands balling into fists at his sides and stepped forward. "Don't you fucking laugh at me! I know she's here! She fucking talks to me!" 

"She does not fucking talk to you." Sal laughed again, bitterly. "You're just fucking crazy. She's all in your head." 

Quinn hit him, punching him in the face, and Sal stumbled back in shock. He looked at his best friend and didn't even recognise him anymore. "Get the fuck out." 

"Fine." Sal told him, voice quiet as he held his cheek. "Fuck you. You're on your own." 


	2. Tired.

It'd been a few days since the grocery store incident. Joe and Murray had checked in on Q, letting Sal know that he was refusing to go out or eat, all he did was talk to her and drink himself to sleep. Sal pretended he didn't care, he'd tried for a year to fix Q, but he couldn't fool himself.

 

Sal sat on his phone, tapping his finger against it as he debated just calling Q already. He opened his contacts and began scrolling when he stopped suddenly, seeing a name he hadn't thought about in a while.

 

_Florence._

 

The last time he'd seen her was at the funeral. She'd been there for the service, but she never came to the wake. She was Alison's best friend, she knew what Sal was going through. Well, except Q wasn't quite gone, just lost. He stared at her name for a while longer, and swiped the screen with a sigh.

 

"Voicemail. Typical." Sal muttered to himself, feeling a little pissed off. He shook his head, it wasn't her fault. How was she to know Sal was going to call? A sudden feeling of guilt began to pool in his chest as he realised that she could have used Sal and Q. She'd been grieving too, and they never even text her. Sal checked the time and realised it was almost midnight, and he decided to leave it for the night. He'd swing by her studio in the morning. See if she could help.

 

  
_**"Brian, you can't keep closing people out like this."** _

 

_"I don't need anyone else. I have you."_

 

**_"And who will you turn to when I'm gone?"_ **

 

_"I'm not worried about you leaving me."_

 

**_"Baby, I'm not real. You have to let me go."_ **

 

_"I can't. I'm not ready."_

 

  
The next morning Sal woke up later than usual, knowing he was just _exhausted_. Since he'd fallen out with Q, he'd barely slept, he just worried and pretended he didn't care. He sat up and stretched, groaning as his back and neck clicked, and he got up to shower. On his way to the bathroom he spotted the post it he'd left for himself, reminding him to call or visit Florence today.

 

He took his time in the shower, letting the heat of the water relax his aching muscles. He may have slept well, but he definitely slept uncomfortably. He reached down to rub the soap over his legs and his back muscles screamed at him, making him huff and stand back up slowly. "I'm getting old."

 

After he'd showered, Sal wrapped a towel around his hips and grabbed his toothbrush. He stared at his reflection as he brushed, bringing a hand up to poke at the bruise that had begun to fade on his cheek. He hadn't told the guys what happened, although they probably guessed. He just told them he'd banged his face on the door. He didn't want Q to get shit from Joe and Murr too, he had enough going on.

 

Once he was dried and dressed, Sal shrugged on a hoodie and headed out, swinging into a Starbucks drive thru for coffee. He drove around town, trying to remember where Florence said her studio was, and decided to stop by a local gallery to ask if they knew. He walked in, gazing around at the art, when a woman dressed head to toe in black approached him.

 

"Welcome! Are you buying or viewing?"

 

She asked, tone chirpy. Sal simply smiled and shook his head, putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

 

"Actually I'm looking for a local artist? Her name is Florence Mayweather?" The woman smiled and ushered him back to the front desk, taking out a book and flipping through it.

 

"We haven't seen Florence for quite a while now so I'm not sure of she's moved state, but here you go." The woman scribbled down an address and handed it to him, grinning at his with purple slicked lips. "This is her studio. If you do find her, let her know we miss her."

 

"I will. Thank you." Sal mumbled, looking down at the paper. The studio wasn't too far from the gallery and he headed out, driving to the part of town on the piece of paper.

 

It seemed it was among a bunch of other studios, all with steps leading to an upstairs area. He leaned to look at each number as he drove by slowly, squinting as he'd forgotten his glasses. He smiled as he found it and swung his car around to park upfront, making sure it was locked before he headed up the steps.

 

Knock, knock. No answer. Sal tried again, louder this time. Still no answer. He could hear music playing inside, something old and dark. He frowned and tried the handle, finding it open. He squinted as he walked in, the studio being incredibly dark in contrast to the bright sun. He shuffled in a little further, blinking as his eyes adjusted.

 

_"Hello?"_ Sal called out, closing the door behind him and standing by it, noting the strong smell of alcohol mixed in with the paint odour. _"Florence?"_

 

"What do you want?" A voice called back from the darkness and Sal rolled his eyes, turning back to the door and using the light on his phone to find a light switch. This was too cheesy horror movie for his liking, and he hit the switch, only to be met with an annoyed groan.

 

Florence was slumped over a desk in the corner, obviously having been asleep. She raised her head, and Sal noted that her hair was far longer than it used to be, and greasy too. He stepped closer and she rolled her eyes at him, reaching for the open bottle of wine at the edge of the desk. "Oh. **_It's you_**."

 

"What the hell is going on?" Sal asked, looking around as he noticed the pile of takeout boxes by what he presumed to be the trash can. _"How long have you been in here?"_

 

"What's the date?" She mumbled before taking a swig of the wine. Sal stared at her in disbelief and mumbled the date, making her let out a small chuckle. "I'd say about three weeks."

 

"Forget it. I shouldn't have come." Sal sighed, shaking his head. He turned toward the door when she suddenly stood up and threw the wine bottle across the room, moving around the desk to step closer to him.

 

"Why did you come?" She asked, voice low and bitter. She took another step closer and Sal turned to face her again. "You haven't even bothered calling in the past year. What the fuck made you show up now?"

 

"Because I needed your help," Sal told her firmly, making her scoff at him and cross her arms. "But you're a fucking mess. It was nice seeing you again, Florence."

 

Vulcano walked to the door when he heard her laugh and walk away, and he heard the clink of a bottle. He turned back around, eyes catching the painting still on the easel, and he approached it as Florence watched with dark eyes. Sal stared at it, stomach dropping as the sickening deep red jumped off the canvas at him. He knew exactly who the woman in the picture was, the long black hair and green eyes making his heart ache as he remembered that night, the scent of her blood rushing back to him.

 

"I can't do this." He mumbled quietly to himself. He sat on the floor, right where he was, and dropped his head into his hands. "I can't do this. I'm too tired. This was a mistake."

 

Florence frowned and put the bottle down that she'd been trying to open, and she slowly walked forward, sitting gently in front of him. She pulled his hand away and he looked at her, making her furrow her brow as she realised how upset he was. "Why did you come here, Sal?"

 

"Because she's gone and he can't see it." Sal whispered quietly, looking down at his hands. "She was your best friend, and I thought you could help snap him out of it. But you're a mess too. I shouldn't have come. I can't watch two more people waste away when I already lost one friend."

 

"Q?" She asked softly and Sal nodded, before standing up. She got up too, a little unsteadily. "I take it he's not coping well?"

 

"Neither are you." Sal said a little harsher than he intended and she flinched away. He sighed and put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Sort yourself out, Florence. _Go home._ "

 

She watched as he walked to the door and left, leaving her to look around at the mess of her studio. Sal hopped in his car and had to take a moment as he finally let out a few tears, the ones he'd bottled up so that Q would never see them. Taking a shaky breath, he started the car and headed home, passing out on his sofa as soon as he got there.

 

He was exhausted. He was just so tired. He'd barely slept in over a year. He was worried about Q, he was scared he was going to lose his best friend for good. And the nightmares. He would never tell anyone, but almost every night he'd be transported back to that red carpet. To Alison's laboured breathing, to the blood soaking Q's arms and hands and chest, to the gunshot. He just. He was just so tired.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, leave kudos or a comment to let me know what you think! Thank you!


	3. Consumed

_“Why don’t you want to be here anymore?”_ Brian asked her quietly, voice soft in the silence of the room. He shuffled a little, moving closer to her in the bed.

 

**_“You know I’d be here forever if I could, but you need to let me go. You’re letting your life slip away.”_ ** Alison replied gently, reaching a hand out and ghosting it over his cheek. He was sure he could feel it.

 

_“I can’t. You’re all I have.”_ He told her, voice barely above a whisper. She looked at him sadly, the smallest smile on her lips.

 

**_“You have a life to lead. You have so much time ahead of you. Don’t waste it on me.”_** Q closed his eyes, preventing any tears that were ready to fall, and shook his head gently.

 

_“Not yet. Let me have you here for a little while longer.”_ He looked at her, meeting her eyes and sniffling a little. _“I just can’t say goodbye yet. I need you.”_

 

**_“I can’t leave unless you make me. I’m all in your head, remember?”_ ** Alison smiled, shuffling a little bit closer. **_“But you’ll know when you’re ready. You’ll know when it’s time.”_**

 

Brian nodded and stared at her until his eyes felt heavy, and he couldn’t keep them open anymore. He yawned, eyes watering a little from how tired they were, and he whispered and reached for her. _“Please be here when I wake up."_

 

  
Sal woke up to a banging on his front door, and he groaned as he sat up and checked the time. It was a little after one in the morning, and he grumbled angrily as he stood and shuffled to the door. Another banging came as he made his way over a little quicker, stretching as he did.

 

“ _Alright!_ Calm the fuck down.” He swung open the door and blinked as he was met with Florence standing there. She looked a lot better than when he’d seen her earlier, smelled better too. “What do you want?”

 

“To help you.” She muttered quietly and Sal stared at her blankly for a moment before stepping aside and letting her in. She shuffled past him, offering a weak smile as she did, and kicked off her shoes, much to Sal’s appreciation.

 

“You want a coffee or something?” Florence nodded and followed Sal through to the kitchen, fiddling with her hands awkwardly. Sal set about putting on the coffee pot, and Florence tried to think of something to say.

 

“I’m sorry. For you know? Earlier.” Sal shrugged and yawned, grabbing a couple of mugs from a cupboard and the creamer from the fridge. He didn’t bother to look at her once, making her stiffen in discomfort.

 

“It’s fine. I get it.” Sal mumbled as the coffee pot beeped and he poured some into the mugs. He turned and handed her to her, sitting across from her with his own. “I see you’ve showered.”

 

“Yeah.” Florence chuckled a little awkwardly, and Sal couldn’t help the little half smile he gave her. “I, um. I thought about what you said? About Q? I realised that she was my best friend but he was in love with her. It’s a different kind of love. I was just being selfish.”

 

There was that feeling of guilt again, burning low in his chest, and Sal shook his head with a sigh. He sipped his coffee and placed it down, staring into it like it held all the answers to his problems. Florence sipped her coffee and waited for Sal to say something, anything. Finally he looked up and met her gaze.

 

“You weren’t being selfish, you were grieving.” He let out a long breath and rubbed his eyes, before leaning his head on his hand and looking at her sadly. “You just got consumed by it. It’s an easy thing to do when you lose someone.”

 

_“Why didn’t you call?”_ Florence asked suddenly, eyes wide and expectant. Sal leaned back in his seat, eyeing her carefully.

 

_“Why didn’t you?”_ She seemed to flinch at that and he sighed once again, leaning forward. “Sorry. I just. I guess I was pretty consumed myself. Just not in the same way you were.”

 

“Tell me what’s happening.” Florence smiled, reaching over and taking Sal’s hand. “What’s going on with Q?”

 

Sal thought about it, about the isolating himself, about the drinking, and of course about the talking to himself. He stared down at Florence’s hand, noticing how much smaller it was than his, and frowned. How could he explain it without her immediately calling the nearest psych hospital to have Q locked up?

 

“He’s cut himself off from everyone. He won’t leave the house, won’t talk to anyone. He doesn’t want to work, barely eats. He gets wasted a lot.” Sal shrugged and she looked at him suspiciously, knowing there was something more to it. Sal tried to ignore her gaze but couldn’t, and he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “ ** _He_** **_sees her._** ”

 

“Sees her?” Florence asked, eyebrow raised. Sal sat forward again and looked at her, shaking his head because he knew himself how crazy it really was.

 

“He sees Alison.” Florence looked surprised. Of course she looked surprised. Hearing about a guy seeing a dead woman was surprising. “He sees her, talks to her. He won’t leave the house because he’s scared she’ll be gone when he gets back.”

 

They sat in silence for the next few minutes, just letting it sink in. Florence nodded to herself, and Sal sipped at his coffee, waiting for her to either accept it or freak out. Finally she sat up a little straighter and pulled up her sleeve to check the time, before downing the rest of her coffee.

 

“Okay.” She said more to herself than Sal before looking at him properly. “Okay, so I’m gonna go home and after a good night’s sleep, we’ll go talk to him.”

 

“I don’t know how much good talking is going to do?” Sal huffed, resting his elbows on the table. “I’ve tried telling him for a year.”

 

“You didn’t have me to back you up before. Maybe if I tell him how crazy it sounds, he might stop?” Florence smiled and Sal just fixed her with a look of doubt. “We have to try.”

 

She stood up and carried her mug to the sink, before walking back to Sal and ruffling his hair a little. Sal smiled and got up too, walking her to the door. She turned to him, giving his upper arm a squeeze and giving him a reassuring smile. “He’ll be okay. You both will.”

 

“I hope so.” Sal smiled back and she pulled her hand away, giving him a small wave as she walked to her car. He waited until he saw her drive away and he closed the door, heading upstairs and climbing into bed. Hopefully they’d be able to talk Q around, he was terrified of what they’d have to do if he didn’t listen.

 

  
_“You’re still here? The way you were talking, I thought you’d be gone.”_ Brian mumbled as he woke up in the night, blinking away the nightmare he’d had every night since it happened.

 

**_“You have to let me go. I can’t leave until you let me.”_ ** Alison smiled from where she lay across from him. Q looked down, frowning a little. He felt insane, but he couldn’t lose her yet.

_“I’m scared.”_ He confessed to the dark room, to her. “ _I’m afraid that if I let you go now, I’ll end up forgetting you.”_

“ ** _You won’t forget me. You’ll just move on. Don’t waste your life, I love you too much to let you spend your life like this. Let me go.”_**

_“I’m not ready. Please don’t make me do this, not yet.”_ Alison just smiled softly, moving to lay on her stomach.

**_“I can’t make you do anything. It’s up to you.”_ **

 


	4. Remember.

**_“Diamond? What are you doing?”_** Alison asked softly, sitting on the sink in the bathroom. Q ignored her and she sighed. _**“Diamond?”**_

“I’m coming to be with you.” Q muttered as he pulled multiple pill bottles and packets from the bathroom cabinet. “I can’t live without you, and one day you’ll leave me.”

 

**_“Please don’t do this.”_** She begged as she realised, as the reality of the situation hit her. **_“Baby, I’m not real. Please don’t do it.”_**

 

“I can’t do this without you. I can’t live without having you here.” Q looked at her, as if she was there, still breathing. He closed his eyes and moved to slide down the wall, and opened them again to find her right in front of him. “Look at me! I’m not who I was anymore. I’m a mess.”

 

**_“Do you remember when I first came home from the hospital? When I first moved in here?”_** She asked him softly and Q closed his eyes, hanging his head. **_“Do you remember the day I was in here staring at my reflection? I was crying because my face was swollen and bruised, remember?”_**

_______________________________________

**Eighteen months earlier.**

_“Baby? What are you doing in there?”_ Q banged on the door, hearing Alison crying quietly from behind the bathroom door. He dug in his pocket for a quarter and twisted the lock from the outside, opening it to find Alison with a palm full of her painkillers. _“Baby?”_

**_“I can’t do this anymore.”_** Alison breathed, tears running freely down her swollen cheeks. **_“Look at me. He ruined me. I feel sick whenever I look at myself and I can’t live like this. I hate myself, I’ve never hated myself so much.”_**

A sob escaped her as her hand shook and she turned to him, seeing the look of disbelief on his face. Slowly Q approached her, taking the pills from her hand and putting them back in the bottle. Her head fell forward and she broke in front of him, his arms coming wrap around her and keep her upright.

“You’re stronger than this.” Q mumbled gently, mouth pressed to her hair. “You can get through this. He hasn’t ruined you, you’re going to heal.”

_**“And what if I don’t?”**_ She wailed at him and he held her tighter, her arms pressed against his front and her hands gripping his shirt tightly. ** _“I’m afraid to leave the house, I’m afraid to look in the mirror. I don’t know who I am anymore.”_**

Q shushed her gently, stroking a hand up and down her bare back, her towel having fallen off. Her wet hair clung to his fingers but neither seemed to notice, and slowly she began to calm in his embrace. He waited until she was standing firmly again and pulled back, turning her so she was facing the mirror again.

“Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?” He wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder and meeting her eyes through the reflection. “I see those eyes that took me by surprise, the ones I fell in love with and didn’t even know. I see those lips, the ones that just fit so perfectly to mine, and wrapped so perfectly around something else.”

Alison chuckled despite herself at that last part, swatting at his arm playfully, and watched as his eyes flicked over her reflection, taking her in. She squirmed a little in his grasp, uncomfortable under his gaze, but he held her in place. **_“Brian...”_**

“I’m not done.” Q smiled gently at her, placing a kiss just under her ear and making her smile. “I see the most beautiful woman in the world, the strongest woman I ever met. Sure, I see the bruises, but they won’t last forever. They’re going to fade but you’ll still be beautiful. I see the woman I am so fucking in love with that it hurts.”

Al turned in his embrace, her hands sliding up his arms to come to rest on his shoulders. He brought up a hand to gently wipe the tears from her face, and she leaned in and kissed him softly. His hands slid around to grip her waist, and he lifted her onto the bathroom counter.

**_“I love you so much.”_ ** Alison gasped a little breathlessly as Q’s lips detached from her and pressed down her jaw and neck. A sly hand slipped from her hip and disappeared between her thighs, making her head fall back and a moan escape her throat. ** _“Thank you.”_**

“Everything about you is perfect.” Q told her between kisses and nibbles across her throat and down her chest. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.”

Brian moved down further, nipping and sucking at her breasts before moving ever lower until her legs were slung over his shoulders. He pulled her closer, so her ass balanced right on the very edge of the counter, and buried his face in her heat.

_______________________________________

  
**_“You made me realise that life was worth living. That just because he had done that to me, it didn’t mean I was broken.”_** Alison smiled as a small smile crept over Q’s lips and he looked at her. ** _“You were the reason I was still alive.”_**

“I meant it all, you know? I was so in love with you. I still am.” Q mumbled softly and Alison just smiled, the smile that Q missed the most.

**_“I loved you too. But life goes on. Please, don’t do this.”_** Brian stared at her, feeling the pills in his hands, and he got to his feet, throwing them all back in the cupboard. He turned to look at her and she smiled again, a small reassuring one, and motioned toward the door. **_“Why don’t you try to sleep, yeah?”_**

“Okay.” He made his way to the bedroom, his eyes feeling heavy and his body aching. He needed the rest, but he was so scared that when he opened his eyes again, she’d be gone forever. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

**_“I’m all in your head, remember? I won’t be going anywhere until you let me go.”_ **

 


	5. The Ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to apologise about the update taking so long. Things have been a little hectic for me but finally everything is calm enough that I can update more often!
> 
> Please feel free to leave a commet (I adore them) and if you could please leave a kudos. To stay updated with new chapters, don't forget to bookmark! Thank you so much for reading!

Brian awoke to a heavy knocking on the door and groaned in the bright morning sunlight. He turned and found Alison gone, and sighed as he forced himself to get up out of bed. The knocking continued as he pulled on a bathrobe and he grunted to himself, annoyed.

“ _Alright, alright! Jesus!”_ He called as he made his was downstairs. The knocking ceased and he squinted as he fumbled with the lock, closing his eyes as light streamed in through the doorway. He opened them a crack, seeing Sal there, and turned away. “ _Oh, it’s you.”_

“And me.” A small voice said, making Q turn back toward the doorway. Florence gave him a small wave and Q waved them both in, mumbling to close the door. Florence stepped in first, shuffling after Brian, and looking around. “Long time, no see.”

“I guess.” Brian grumbled as he shuffled to the kitchen. Sal and Florence following him through. Q hit the switch in the coffee machine and sat down, hiding his face in his hands. “Why are you here?”

“Sal came to see me. He’s been worried.” Florence smiled, making Brian look over at his friend. He grunted again and got up, pouring coffee into some mugs and handing them out. “How have you been?”

“I’m fine.” His answer was short and sharp, and couldn’t be further from the truth. Florence knew that just from the tone, but she smiled regardless, just accepting his answer. “What about you?”

“Terrible. But I’m getting better.” She answered honestly. Q offered no more than a nod and they sat in silence for a while, sipping at their drinks. Florence and Sal exchanged a few looks, only when Brian seemed distracted, and Florence put down her mug to address him gently. “Q? Will you come somewhere with me today?”

Q looked at her suspiciously, and then looked at Sal. Sal just shrugged, unsure of where this was going, and Brian mulled it over for a moment. He stood, placing his mug in the sink, and leaned against it. “Where?”

“Just somewhere. We won’t be long, I promise.” Florence smiled, eyes pleading, and Q found himself shuffling upstairs to get ready. As soon as he was gone Sal approached her, and she gave him a look that said ‘trust me’. Sal wasn’t convinced but nodded anyway, shushing her as Q started talking again.

“ ** _You promised you’d be here when I woke up.”_** Sal gently tugged Florence to the stairs to listen to Q’s one sided conversation, pressing a finger to his lips. “ ** _You know I hate it when you disappear.”_**

They heard the bedroom door and quickly moved back to the kitchen, returning to their previous positions. Q came in, wearing a pair of dirty jeans and an old hoodie, and Florence stood with a grin. “Ready to go?”

“Where are we going?” Brian asked again but Florence just smiled, taking his hand and dragging him to the car. Florence took the keys from Sal and hopped in, waiting for Q to buckle up. His hands shook, and she frowned, before shaking herself and pulling out into the road.

The road didn’t seem familiar at first, and so Q distracted himself by playing with his hands. He got lost in his thoughts, wishing he could be back at home with Alison, and felt his stomach drop when he looked up through the window again. This was the road to the cemetery. _This was where Alison was laid to rest._

They swung into a small florists on the way, and Sal jumped out and ran inside. Q said nothing, but he was shaking even more, and Florence placed a gentle hand over his. Brian didn’t look at her, he simply turned his palm so he could squeeze back. Sal returned a few moments later, handing Q a bunch of roses, and they were on their way again.

They finally arrived and pulled up to the gates, the silence hanging heavy in the car. Q was staring up at the wrought iron, and Florence and Sal gave each other concerned looks. “How long has it been since you came here, Q?”

“ _Not since the funeral_.” Q answered eventually, having been staring straight ahead for a few moments. “ _I never needed to come, I had her at home with me.”_

“Come on.” Florence half whispered, opening the car door. She stepped out, feeling the crunch of the gravel under her feet, and she took a deep breath. It’d been a while for her too, she just couldn’t bring herself to come here before. She closed her eyes for a second and blew out a breath, before walking to where Q was now standing and staring at the gate.

Linking her arm through his, she stepped forward and slowly opened it, the loud creaking breaking through the almost silence. She noted small things as she walked, the warmth of the sun, a few broken headstones, the colours of the flowers left by mourners. Anything to take her mind off where they were headed.

Suddenly they were there, and Q froze, his arm stiffening in her grasp. Sal stepped closer then, having been keeping his distance, and he placed a reassuring hand on Q’s shoulder. Brian leaned into it, only slightly, and reached up a hand to place over Sal’s. He took a shaky breath and stepped forward, crouching to lay the flowers at the foot of her headstone.

“It’s so clean.” Q mumbled, running his fingers over the letters  carved into the cool marble. “I thought the rain would have made it dirty by now.”

_“I clean it.”_ Sal piped up quietly, making Q turn to look up at him in surprise. Sal shrugged and kicked his foot a little in the soft grass, not meeting Brian’s eyes. _“I didn’t want it getting unkempt like some of the other stones here.”_

“Thank you.” Brian smiled, turning back to look at it. His stomach felt heavy, and his throat burned as he tried to swallow the lump in it. He felt Florence sit beside him and he bumped his shoulder against hers, reaching to squeeze her hand.

They stayed there for a while, Florence and Sal saying a few words to Alison, telling the air how much they missed her, how much they wished she could still be with them. Q said nothing, he simply listened, and stared at her name carved into the stone. ‘ ** _She’s not here_**.’ He told himself, listening to Sal talk. ‘ ** _She’s at home waiting for me.’_**

“Can you guys give me a minute alone?” Q asked quietly and Florence nodded, standing up and telling Q they’d wait in the car. She linked onto Sal, letting him guide her back because she felt her legs would give out any second, coming back had been harder than she thought.

Q sat for a while, patiently waiting for Alison to make an appearance. She never came, and Q lay back in the grass. He stared at the sky, at the clouds moving overhead, and allowed the tears he’d kept hidden to slip down his face. He yelled out in frustration suddenly, knowing Florence and Sal wouldn’t hear him, and rubbed his eyes roughly. He knew she was here, physically she was here, under the dirt, cold and buried. But she wasn’t here, she was at home. She spoke to him. He was _so sure_ she was real.

Slowly he gathered himself and got to his feet, walking back to the car slowly. His mind was whirring, he was so confused. His stomach and chest hurt, and he just wanted to sleep. To go to bed and wake up to see Alison smiling at him gently. Finally he made it back, closing the gate quietly, and climbed into the passenger seat and stared back at the iron bars again.

“This is where she is, Q.” Florence whispered to him, watching as he simply stared ahead. “She’s been here all along. She’s not at home, she’s here and she’ll always be here.”

“I want to go home.” Brian mumbled, pulling his seatbelt over his body without taking his eyes off the fence. Florence looked back at Sal and Sal just shrugged.

“Brian.” Florence started but Q just shook his head. He pulled his hood up, and leaned back as far as he could in his seat, closing his eyes.

“Take me home. _Now_.”

The drive felt longer on the way home somehow. The silence seemed heavier too. Nobody knew what to say and Brian stared at the passing scenery, ignoring everyone else. His head hurt. He couldn’t come to terms with it all. _It was too much_. It was just far too much for him to comprehend.

As soon as they arrived back at Q’s place he got out the car and slammed the door, heading inside and locking up. He stood with his back pressed against his front door, eyes closed and head leaned back, and listened to Sal and Florence knocking and calling his name. He turned and pressed his forehead against it, swallowing that lump in his throat again. “I just want to be alone now. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He listened as Sal and Florence called goodbyes through the door before kicking off his shoes and heading upstairs, slamming into his bedroom. There she was, plain as day sitting on his bed. He angrily pulled off his hoodie and climbed onto the bed, sitting on his knees with his head hung low.

_**“You’re not real.”**_ Alison smiled, and Q closed his eyes as he waited for it. Waited for what she always told him.

**_“I’m all in your head. I tell you that everyday.”_** Q let out a sob and brought his hands up to his hair, gripping it tightly.

**_“Why do you feel so real to me? I don’t understand?”_** He cried as his arms came to wrap around his stomach, feeling it ache from the tears he was trying so hard to fight back. **_“Am I crazy?”_**

**_“You’re not crazy.”_** She told him softly and he turned away, eyes closing tighter. She felt so real. Her voice was so strong and loud and he couldn’t get his head around it. **_“You’re grieving. You have to let me go.”_**

**_“I can’t.”_** He half yelled, just letting it out. He sat and sobbed, hard, heaving sobs. He punched the headboard beside her and she didn’t even flinch, and finally he buried his face in the pillow.

**_“You should sleep. You’ve had a hard day_**.” Alison told him gently and he sniffled, curling up and pulling the blanket over himself. He was so tired, so very tired. He just wanted to bury himself away and sleep for as long as he could.

**_“Please don’t leave me.”_** He whispered, looking up at her through tear soaked eyelashes. That smile, that beautiful smile she always did, spread across her face. **_"Not yet."_**

**_“That’s up to you. I can’t leave until you let me go.”_** Q nodded and yawned, pulling his quilt over his head and curling himself up as small as possible, falling into a deep sleep almost immediately.


	6. Lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SMUT WARNING*
> 
> Thanks for reading.

Sal drove home feeling anger burning in his chest. What Florence did was risky, and so damn stupid. He’d worked so hard on Q and this could have set him back so much. God she was so fucking _stupid_. She sat in the passenger side as he drove and he couldn’t bring himself to look at her, let alone talk to her. Asking for her help had been a mistake.

Florence could feel the tension, and the way Sal’s jaw was set made it obvious he was pissed at her. She didn’t understand? What the hell did he have to be mad about? She’d done her best, and she’d gotten Q out the house. That was what Sal wanted. She started to get angry herself, and pointedly looked out the passenger window.

When they arrived, Florence followed Sal to his front door. She’d left her bag and keys there so she had to go in, no matter how much she wanted to just go home. Sal slammed his way in and kicked off his shoes, Florence following suit as she slammed the door behind them.

“Do you want to tell me what the _fuck_ I did wrong here?” She demanded and Sal ignored her, taking off his jacket and storming into the kitchen. No. She wanted answers. He wasn’t getting off that easy. She stormed in after him and grabbed his arm, spinning him to look at her. “ _Well_?”

“ _You set him back!_ _How could you be so fucking stupid!”_ Sal shouted suddenly, making her step back. He turned and angrily kicked a chair, and Florence jumped. “He’s locked himself away alone again. This is **_your_** fucking fault.”

“Oh, well of course!” Sal was surprised to hear her shouting back, surprised and pissed off. She stepped forward, poking him hard in the chest. “Of course your precious fucking Q is cause for concern. Of course you’ll be upset that he’s alone. What about me, huh? _What about me?!”_

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” His hands had started to shake and his voice cracked as he yelled. He stepped closer, but she didn’t flinch away, instead she stood defiantly and shoved him.

“You left me alone for a full fucking year!” Her voice was high and bitter, and tears streamed down her pale cheeks. She brought her hand up and wiped them away, but it was useless as more just followed. “Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I was lonely?!”

Sal laughed, short, sharp, and harsh. It took her by surprise and she watched as he turned away from her, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter tightly. He turned to look at her, eyes dark and sad, and she flinched away.

“You have no idea what loneliness is. Do you know what it’s like to be talking to a room full of people and nobody hears you?” His voice was low and it scared her, and she stepped back but Sal kept walking. She came to a halt as her back pressed against the refrigerator and he pressed a hand against it above her head.

“Sal.” Sal shook his head and slammed his fist against it right by her head, and she jumped.

“No. It’s my turn to be heard.” His arms dropped to his sides and his head hung low as his shoulders began to shake. “I haven’t been allowed to grieve. My friends grieved, Q grieved. You grieved. I had to pick up the fucking pieces. I was the one that nobody heard because they were so fucking wrapped up in themselves. I had everyone around me and I never felt so alone.”

“ _Sal?”_ Florence’s voice was gentle and Sal looked up, catching her eyes. She was sad, so sad. But it was more than that. She was sad for him. “ _Sal_.”

He couldn’t stop himself, her eyes drew him in and he pressed his lips to her's. He pulled back within seconds and just stared at her, and she grabbed his shirt and pulled him in again.

It was faster, rougher. Her hands tugged and gripped at the front of his shirt and he pressed her back flush against the fridge. His lips sloppily slid from her mouth to her neck, and she gasped, arms draping over his shoulders as he leaned down and picked her up, wrapping her legs around him as he grinded against her.

“ _Sal, please.”_ She whined, her whole body thrumming from his touch. All he could do was nod as his teeth scraped across her throat before nipping and kissing back up to her lips.

He stumbled with her to the stairs, bouncing her up a little as she nibbled at his earlobe, making him groan and his dick strain against his jeans. They barely made it to the bedroom, Sal putting her down to stumble along the landing. Sal grabbed at the skirt of her dress and pulled it off, mouth immediately finding hers again as he fumbled with his jeans and kicked them off.

“Florence. Fuck, **_I need_**.” Sal wasn’t sure what he needed but he just felt like he should say something. They collapsed on the bed, and Sal rolled them so he lay above her, fingers hooking the waistband of her panties and pushing them down so she could kick them off.

His underwear followed suit and then he was inside of her, kissing her as she melted against him. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and arms wrapped around his neck and fuck that was it. He needed the intimacy, he needed to know and to feel someone was there. Her lips brushed over his ear as she moaned his name, and he sought them out again, kissing her for as long as he could before he had to stop and take a breath.

Her moans became high pitched breathy gasps, and her legs tightened around him, and he knew she was close. He could feel her whole body pressed against him, her breasts pressed against his chest, the way her stomach would move with each sharp intake of breath, and he never wanted it to end.

It took him by surprise when her legs slipped from around his waist and she was pushing on his shoulders, rolling them over. She wasted no time in getting him back inside of her and fuck, that was better. He could see her, he could see every single part of her, and she felt so good. She leaned forward as she rolled her hips, fingers gripping his hair as she sunk into another kiss.

Sal wrapped his arms around her back as her hands moved to his shoulders, fingernails digging in as her mouth opened against his and she gave the neediest whine he’d ever heard. His dick twitched inside of her, that almost being enough to make him blow, and he brought a hand down to slip between them and rub her quickly until her breaths became sharp and raspy, and she finally cried out. She tightened around him and Sal came, back arching off the bed from the force of it.

Florence slumped over him, lips meeting his in a slow lazy kiss as she lifted her hips and he slipped from inside of her. She stayed where she was, and Sal wrapped his arms around her, running his fingers through the back of her hair. She broke the kiss and shuffled down a little, burying her head under his chin, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry about before.”

“Don’t be. I guess I didn’t realise how hard it was from your side.” She lifted her head to look at him, smiling as his eyes twinkled in the glow of the streetlamp outside. She brought a hand up to stroke his cheek and he caught it in his own, keeping his eyes on hers as he kissed her palm.

“I don’t want you to feel that alone again. I’m sorry I took so long.” Sal whispered and Florence smiled, laying her head on his chest so he wouldn’t see the tears escaping her eyes.

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”


	7. Headlines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another apology for breaks between posting! It would be wonderful to hear your thoughts on this so far.

The bright morning sun had Sal groaning as he blinked awake, reaching his arms up over his head as he stretched and tried to wake his body up. A stirring beside him had him crashing back to his senses and the night before came rushing through his mind. Slowly he pushed himself up so he could rest his back against the headboard, smiling as he turned to see Florence sleeping soundly beside him.

She looked small like this, fragile. Sal used a finger to pull her hair back from her face and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, making her frown in her slumber and curl up smaller. Quietly he climbed out of bed and pulled on his underwear, making sure he pulled up the blankets and covered Florence fully, before heading to the bathroom.

For a moment he observed himself in the mirror. The bruise was almost completely gone, just a slight yellowing tint over his cheekbone. It’d be gone in a day or so. He brushed his teeth as he stared, using a finger to poke at the bags under his eyes, before ruffling at the front of his hair a little. Finally he looked down at his stomach and sighed, lifting and dropping the hangover, and poking at it a few times. He pouted, hating how rough he looked, and spit into the water swirling down the drain.

A knock on the door made him jump and he reached over, opening it to find a sleepy looking Florence smiling small and awkwardly at him. She shuffled in and looked around before catching his eyes in the reflection of the mirror, and waiting until he’d finished rinsing out his mouth. “ _I have to pee._ ”

“Oh, sorry!” Sal smiled quickly, shuffling from the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and headed downstairs, yawning and stretching as he did. He switched on the coffee machine and headed out the door, grabbing the newspaper from the porch and taking a quick glance at the sky. “It’s going to be a nice day today.”

Florence was in the kitchen when he came back in, pouring coffees for them both. She was wearing one of his shirts, and it hung just above her knees loosely. She turned and smiled at him, holding out a mug before wrapping her hand around her own and sitting on a chair with her legs curled under her. Sal say opposite and waited as she sipped at her drink, before clearing his throat.

“So, uh. About last night.” He started and Florence just smiled with a shake of her head, but Sal could see the hint of sadness there.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be expecting you to date me now.” Sal sat for a second before shaking his own head hard and grabbing her hand from across the table.

“No, no! You misunderstand. I was hoping we could maybe get to know each other better.” He grinned and she beamed back, the tenseness he hadn’t noticed before falling from her shoulders. “But Q has to come first. We can’t get serious until he’s better.”

“I wouldn’t expect any different.” Florence muttered over a sip of the coffee. Sal could see her smile reaching her eyes and for a second it was all he saw, but as always that heavy feeling that he’d grown used to landed back on his shoulders and they slumped under the weight. “Can I use your shower? I’m supposed to meet a friend today.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Florence got up from the table and drained her coffee, putting the mug in the dishwasher, and planting a kiss on his cheek as she passed. Sal opened the newspaper, not really reading it, and thought about going to see Q. He’d probably need some groceries, he had to be running out of food by now.

The cafe of the gallery was packed when Florence rushed in, running late after her night with Sal. She glanced around and found her friend shooing a man away, and navigated herself past all the tables until finally she collapsed in the chair and smiled apologetically. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t sweat it.” Her friend chuckled lightly, watching as Florence bundled her still damp hair into a messy bun, and she waved to a passing waiter. They ordered and her friend leaned forward, an all knowing smirk on her face. “ _So w_ _ho’s the lucky guy?”_

“Guy?” Florence played dumb but her friend nodded as she thanked the waiter for their drinks. Florence tried to look innocent but ended up rolling her eyes, picking up her iced tea. “If you must know, it’s Sal.”

“Sal? As in _Sal Vulcano? TV’s Sal Vulcano?”_ A blush crept over Florence’s cheeks and her friend practically squealed, slamming her hands on the table in delight. “ _How_?”

“Well you know we’ve been friends for a while but we lost touch after, you know.” Her friend nodded, reaching over and squeezing her hand with a solemn expression. Florence offered a small smile and continued. “Q isn’t coping well and he asked for my help. One thing led to another and here we are.”

“It must be hard for Q. Losing your girlfriend like that. Poor guy.” Florence nodded and leaned forward, pushing the ice around in her glass and sighing.

“It’s not like he’s grieving in the same way as us. I think he’s losing his mind.” The comment was offhand, she didn’t mean to say it, but she found her friend leaning closer too.

“What do you mean?” Her friend looked at her, eager and quizzical, and Florence glanced around before taking a breath. She debated in her mind for a moment before sighing and closing her eyes.

“He sees her. Talks to her.” She started and her friend shuffled ever closer, as if Florence was telling her the secrets to the universe. “He’s convinced she’s still with him so he locks himself away at home, just talking to her. He doesn’t want to accept that she’s gone and he’s just talking to the voices inside his head.”

“ _Wow_.” Her friend breathed, and sat back in her seat, sipping from her coffee cup. Florence sat back too, going back to swirling the ice around in her glass, before shaking her head and smiling.

“Anyway, enough about that.” Her friend smiled too and placed her cup down, picking up her biscotti and taking a bite. “How have you been? It’s been a long time.”

“Same old. Up to my eyes in student loans from art school but they’ll be paid off soon enough.”

Later that night Sal was sitting at home when his phone rang. He answered cheerfully, the night before still on his mind, when Joe’s worried voice came down the line. “ _Hey, buddy. We have a problem.”_

“What’s up?” Sal clicked off his TV and stood, pacing across his living room floor. Joe went quiet for a moment, just the sound of his breathing down the line, and suddenly Sal’s cell phone vibrated on the coffee table.

“Open the link I just text you. _It’s serious, man._ ” Sal grabbed his phone and quickly double tapped his thumb on the screen, opening the text. His eyes widened and he found himself slowing sinking back to sit on the sofa, disbelief and anger coursing through him.

_“I’ll call you back, okay?”_ Sal hung up and dropped the land line phone beside him, eyes never leaving the screen in front of him. He couldn’t get his head around it, he didn’t understand how it could have gotten out. The words in the headline jumped out at him and his heart began racing wildly.

**BRIAN QUINN OF IMPRACTICAL JOKERS LOSING HIS MIND AFTER LOSS OF GIRLFRIEND.**


	8. Sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback! I always love hearing your thoughts and appreciate you leaving them.

Sal paced the floor of his front room, one hand over his mouth as he kept as eye on his phone, as if it would jump up at him at any second. His first thoughts were damage control. _How the fuck could they fix this?_ The story was out there. Q talking to Alison, and even Sal sleeping with Florence. He didn’t know how it could have happened. 

He stopped pacing. His eyes widened and his face turned to a look of pure disgust as the thought rolled through his mind. It was her. That fucking bitch. Of course it had been her, she was the only person on the outside of the friendship circle who knew. **_Fuck_**.

Grabbing his jacket, he yanked it on and headed out the door, pulling his keys from his pocket and climbing into his car. He put his foot down, tapping the wheel in annoyance as he did, and sped to her house. He glanced at the clock, noticing it was getting late, and smiled. Good. Maybe she’ll be kicked out for being a fucking nuisance. It’ll be the least she deserves.

Florence answered the door in her pyjamas, rubbing her eyes and smiling as she saw Sal. Her smile soon fell as he shoved past her, and she closed the door behind him, utterly confused. Sal was pacing her floor now, eyebrows furrowed in anger, shooting her glares.

“Have I done something wrong?” Her face was a picture of innocence, and that angered him even more. He knew that it had to be her, she was the only other person who knew. 

_“I don’t know_?” He spat bitterly, tossing his phone at her and taking her by surprise. She just managed to catch it, looking at the screen and covering her mouth in shock. “ _You fucking tell me, have you done something wrong?”_

“I didn’t do this!” She gasped, getting angry herself just at the accusation. She stormed to him and slammed the phone against his chest, making him stumble back. “How could you think I’d do that?!”

“Then who the fuck was it?!” Sal raised his voice and startled her, and she flinched away. He waved his phone around before stiffing it back in his pocket, staring daggers at her. “Nobody else fucking knew!”

She opened her mouth to protest her innocence again, when suddenly her mind took her back to earlier in the day. Lunch with her friend. She’d told her everything. Her friend had brought it up again and Florence had spilled every last detail. She swallowed hard, feeling the bile rise in her throat. Her friend sold the story. She’d sold the story to pay off her loans.

“Kelly.” The name slipped from her lips, small and quiet, and Sal frowned, crossing his arms and fixing her with a glare. Florence looked at him, tears in her eyes and Sal knew, his stomach dropping. “ _Sal, I’m so sorry._ ”

“ _What the fuck did you do?”_ His voice was low now, darker, and far more terrifying than when he yelled. Florence wrapped her arms around herself and sat down, leaning forward as she gripped her stomach and willed herself not to throw up.

“I told my friend everything when I saw her today.” Sal tipped his head back and grinded the balls of his hands against his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. “I just needed someone to talk to and I thought I could trust her.”

“How could you be so fucking _stupid?!_ ” The anger had resurged in him and he was in her face, leaning down onto the coffee table as he addressed her. “What the fuck were you thinking?!” 

“I was thinking that I needed to fucking talk it out with someone!” Florence yelled, Sal staying exactly where he was, burning a look straight through her. “I was thinking that this asshole comes strolling back in my life after a year and dumps his crazy fucking friend on me!” 

“You were the biggest mistake I ever made.” Sal hissed and stood up, going back to pacing. That stung, and Florence wasn’t taking it. She rounded the coffee table and smacked him in the chest, shoving him as she did. 

“How fucking dare you?!” She hit him once for every word and he shoved her back, just enough to move her away from him. “I made a fucking mistake! One fucking little mistake and you treat me like _this?!_ ” 

“Telling some money grabbing whore about my friend’s issues is not a fucking tiny mistake!” Sal yelled back at her, poking her hard in the shoulder. “What? Were you in on it too? Gonna split the profit? I guess you were just using me too, wanted to get your hands on my money too?!”

His words cut into her like a knife and she shook her head softly, tears streaming down her face. She stepped back and took a moment, letting out a shaky breath before turning away completely. “ _Get the fuck out of my house.”_

Sal laughed darkly and stormed to the door, throwing it open. He turned and looked her up and down, an evil smile forming on his lips. “By the way, I used you too. And you weren’t even that good.” 

Sal left, storming down the steps of her porch and along the path of her front yard. Florence felt like she’d been kicked in the gut, and deep down she knew he didn’t mean it. She knew what happened was real. But fuck she was upset too and she wasn’t letting him get away with that comment. She stormed to the door and swung it open, storming after him. 

“You want to see someone get used? I think I’ll call these people myself and make some money from the story of Sal Vulcano fucking vulnerable women!” Sal stopped in the road, hands balling into fists and she just knew she’d gotten to him. “Hey, maybe I’ll mention Q too, maybe he could get some actual help and he'll realise what an incompetent asshole you are!” 

Sal spun in the road and glared at her, anger clear in his expression. His hands shook with rage, and his complexion reddened, and she knew this wasn’t over. Sal moved to storm back over, and she was ready to stand her ground, crossing her arms defiantly, when the screech of tyres filled the air and the most sickening crack echoed into the night. It was over as fast as it happened, but time seemed to slow down for her in that moment. Glass glistening as it fell to the ground, a heavy thud as Sal landed on the road, the shriek of the driver. 

A scream filled the air, piercing and painful. She covered her ears to block out the sound, when she realised. She was screaming. Sal was laying in a steadily growing pool of his own blood, and she was screaming. Her legs began to move without her consent, running and stumbling to where he lay unmoving on the asphalt. The streetlamp above them made the glass shards glitter like stars against the black of the road, shimmering as she dropped to her knees and crawled to him. The sliced into her palms but she couldn’t even feel it, her whole focus was him. 

“Sal? Sal, please talk to me.” He didn’t move, his lips open and still. For a moment the world seemed to stop as she stared down at him, everything felt different, as if she was floating.

She brought a hand up and stroked his face, smearing it with blood, and not entirely sure who it belonged too. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and distantly she could hear the driver hysterically talking to the emergency services, but it was distorted. It was like she was under water. She couldn’t breathe.

 **“** _ **Sal, I’m so sorry.”**_


	9. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few chapters left! Let me know your thoughts.

From that moment the night seemed to blur, and Florence felt nauseous as she tried to keep up. The ambulance team arrived first, followed by the police. She’d been pulled back, struggling against the grip on her arms at first, then submitting to it as all sound rushed back even louder than before, the sirens almost deafening.

She was placed in a car, a cop car maybe? She couldn’t be sure at all. Her neighbour had rushed over to the officer trying to calm her with a blanket and Florence’s keys, but was soon ushered away. Florence couldn’t even listen to the officer, all she could do is stare at Sal’s hand laying on the road, visible between the paramedics trying to save his life.

Time rushed by as she sat there and finally she saw them lift Sal onto a stretcher, rushing him into the back of the waiting ambulance. The officer closed the door and followed behind it, sirens blaring and lights flashing, and before she knew it she was being ushered out of the car. She was guided into the hospital, and she saw Sal for a split second as he was carted through a set of double doors, and suddenly he was gone and _she broke._

Nurses rushed to her aid as she collapsed to the ground, shoulders heavy as they shook from the force of her sobbing. One kindly woman pulled her into her chest and soothed her the best that she could, soft fingers stroking her hair and gentle words, until Florence was calm enough to get to her feet.

Eventually she was taken to a room to be assessed. She heard them mention shock, and she heard something about lacerations to her palms, but she felt numb and nothing made sense, and she couldn’t feel anything until the nurse from before started taking glass from the cuts in her hands.

“ _Will he live_?” The words were said so quietly, as if she was afraid to even say them. The nurse offered a small smile, and Florence knew she didn’t know. That wasn’t good enough, she couldn’t face another loss. Alison had been hard enough. “ _Is he going to make it?”_

“He’s in good hands.” Florence found no comfort in that. She needed a firm answer, not some bullshit. She knew deep down she wouldn’t get it though, and tilted her head back to look up at the fluorescent lights.

“I need a phone.” The nurse raised her eyebrows and Florence sniffed, wiping her nose on the arm of her pyjamas. “I need _his_ phone. He had it on him when. I need to call his friends.”

“I’m not sure we can let you have it?” The nurse mumbled and Florence looked at her pleadingly, making the nurse sigh. “Let me finish up here and I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you.” Florence tilted her head back again, counting the tiles on the ceiling as she tried to ignore the pain in her hands. At least she could feel it, considering she didn’t feel much else.

After that she was left alone, thin bandages covering her hands. The damage wasn’t too bad, nothing too deep. She curled up on the bed and stared straight ahead at the wall across from her, replaying the accident over and over in her mind. It was her fault. No. It was his. It was his fault for being the way that he is. This was all down to Q. The nurse reappeared and handed her Sal’s cell phone, telling her she’d be back in a few minutes to collect it again.

Joe was first. His name came first in the contacts. Her knee bounced as she waited for him to answer, her stomach dropping as she heard his chirpy voice on the other end of the line. “Hey, buddy. I was waitin’ for you to call me back.”

“ _Joe? It’s Florence_.” She heard Joe tap the phone, obviously checking the screen name, before putting the phone back to his ear. “ _There’s been an accident.”_

“What kind of accident?” That normal happy tone was gone completely from his voice and it was replaced with something else, dread? Fear? She couldn’t be sure. Probably both.

“ _It all happened so fast. The car came out of nowhere.”_ She explained and she heard Joe’s breath hitch and him beginning to move. She closed her eyes and continued. “ _You need to get here.”_

“Is he okay?” The question should have been a simple yes or no, but she fell silent. How could she tell him he could be dead? She didn’t need to say anything, the silence being enough. His broken voice came back down the line. “Where are you? I’ll grab Murray on the way. I’ll see if I can get Q to come.”

“ _I’ll call Q.”_ She whispered, sighing as Joe agreed to it. She reeled off the name of the hospital and took a shaky breath. “ _I’m so sorry, Joe.”_

When the nurse returned, Florence asked if she could go. The nurse seemed confused but nodded anyway, taking her to the nurses station to fill in her discharge papers. She wanted to get out of there before Joe and Murray arrived. She needed to tell Q in person. 

She hailed a cab and swung into her house to get her purse, before heading along to Q’s house. She took a deep breath as she got out, staring at the house for a while before knocking on the door as loud as she could. She flinched as her hand stung, still feeling the sting of the glass, and finally a disgruntled and exhausted looking Q answered the door.

“What are you doing here?” He asked but she pushed past him, ignoring the question. He frowned and followed her into his kitchen where she began rifling through his cupboards, pulling out a whiskey bottle and taking a long drink from it. “ _Florence_?”

“Do you know where Sal is right now?” She asked, giving him a hard glare before taking another drink. Q shook his head, and that’s when he noticed the bandages around her palms. “He’s in the _hospital_.”

“Is he okay?” Q asked immediately, stepping forward. Florence shrugged and placed the bottle down on the table, before leaning against the bench.

“ _How the fuck should I know_?” She spat bitterly, pushing herself forward and slowly rounding the table towards him. “ _I’d say by the amount of blood there was, it’s pretty fucking unlikely.”_

“What **_the hell_** happened?” Q gasped, bringing his arms up to hug himself. He felt sick, he could feel it rising up his throat. Florence stepped closer to him, barely a space between them.

“He got hit by a car.” She told him, tone harsh and unforgiving as she glared up at him. “We were fighting about _you_. He stormed out and the car hit him. This is _**your**_ fault. He could be dead and you’ll be the one that killed him.”

“ _What_?” Q mumbled, voice quiet and injured. She rounded the table again and grabbed the whiskey, drinking from it and smiling at the pain in Q’s expression. 

“You were so obsessed with talking to the dead that you forgot about the living.” She told him, looking away from his face. She heard him slowly sit and she put the bottle down again. “You forgot about the one person who was there for you the whole fucking time. You need to let her go and you need to realise that you didn’t deserve either of them. I hope it fucking eats you up inside that **_you_** did this to him.”

Florence left the kitchen and headed for the door, and Q chased her, grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around. She glared up at him and he couldn’t help the shake in his voice. “Will you tell me how he is at least? Let me know what happens?”

“I’m not fucking going back there.” She hissed at him, snatching her arm from his grasp. She continued walking to the door, and turned to look at him as she left. “I’m done with both of you. You fucking check up on him. I don’t give a shit whether he lives or not. I’m going back to LA tomorrow, and I’m leaving you fucks behind me.”

And with that she was gone, and Q collapsed to his knees. He felt her there, beside him, and he wishes with everything fibre of him that he could feel her holding him in her arms.

**_"Baby, it's time. You have to let me go."_ **


	10. Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter! I'd like to thank you for reading and commenting. I'd love ti hear your thoughts on this.

At least an hour passed with Q sitting on his knees by the door, head reeling. Alison had said no more, but she was there, he could sense it. Slowly he moved so he was sat with his legs crossed, head hung low as he just tried to breathe. He didn’t want to leave her, not yet. He didn’t want to come back and find her gone. But Sal. _Oh my God, Sal_.

“I don’t know what to do.” He said finally, lifting his head to see her sitting across from him, back against the wall. He took her in, those green eyes, that long black hair. He could swear she was fading, and he didn’t know how to stop it. “I’m not ready to let you go. I **_can’t_** do it.”

The room fell silent once more and Q got up, heading upstairs to his bedroom. He stared at the bed, debating falling asleep again, but that would just make it worse. He turned to his dresser and smiled, picking up the photo he’d taken of her and Sal, back when she was really there. God, he couldn’t lose her now. He couldn’t lose either of them.

Her perfume bottle still sat on the dressing table and he sprayed a little around the room, wanting the comfort of her scent to surround him. Q could feel her watching him, and he just knew she was smiling. He turned and met her gaze, and she seemed darker still, fading further. He turned and slid down the dresser, banging his head gently against it.

_“I won’t let you go. Sal will be fine. He’ll be okay. You’ll see.”_

“He _**needs**_ you.” Her voice still seemed so strong, even if the image of her wasn’t. He wanted to reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear, to just feel the softness of her skin in his fingertips one more time. “You need to let me go.”

“It’s not time. I’m not ready.” It had become like a mantra to him now, repeating the words to her everyday. But he was so sure they were true. He didn’t feel ready. He felt sick to his stomach, he felt panicked. His chest was constricted and his heart hurt.

_“This day has been coming for a long time now, Q. I can’t stay around forever. You need to move on_.” She was closer, right in front of his face. He was afraid to stare too long in case it broke him, in case he gave in. He got to his feet, walking back along the hall and down the stairs again.

Q headed for the kitchen and put away the bottle Florence had left, her words still reeling in his mind. It was his fault. But this was torture, choosing between the woman he loved and his best friend. This was _agony_. Alison appeared on the counter beside him, and one glance at her sad face had tears streaming down his face.

The anger he had been trying to supress came next, and he used his arms to crash everything on the counter to the floor. He threw the kitchen chairs, and he screamed and yelled at nothing and nobody. He finally turned to her, where she’d sat and watched him, and kicked the table over.

_**“This isn’t fair!”**_ His voice was high and torn, breaking mid sentence. She just watched him, knowing he was almost ready. He gripped his hair tight and pulled it, letting out another angry cry, before turning and punching a wall as hard as he could over and over until blood trickled from his knuckles. _**“I can’t lose you again! I can’t fucking do this again! Why is this happening?! I can’t lose you and I can’t lose him.”**_

_“I’m already gone. All you have to do is let me go.”_ Her voice was calm, and comforting almost, but somehow that just made him more angry. What she was asking was more than he could do. _It was unfair!_ She couldn’t make him do that. He glared at her and stormed into the front room, tossing a chair out the way as he did.

“I can’t do it.” His voice was low and his chest heaved from the rage he’d just let out. He stood in the centre of the room and looked across the photos on his mantle and wall, before looking at Alison. She was standing so close, and if he could he would kiss her, but he couldn’t even touch her. “I _won’t_ let you go.”

Brian collapsed back on the sofa and tried to calm himself, breathing deeply with his eyes closed and head resting on the back cushions. Surely there was some way around this? Surely there was a way he could keep them both. Alison had moved beside him again, and he imagined he could hear her breathing.

“ _Diamond, you have to let me go now and go to him.”_ She said softly as he didn’t move, he simply listened and imagined her lips forming the words. _“He won’t pull through if he has nobody to pull through for. He needs you now.”_

A million thoughts filled his brain, and not a single one of them was good. He needed them both. He needed her, and he needed his best friend. He frowned, trying to come up with something, anything. Q turned to look at her when it hit him, and he sat up. He could keep them both.

“I don’t need to let you go.” He told her, a slight hopeful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “I can call Joe. I can tell him to make Sal know that I’m waiting for him to pull through. You can stay with me.”

_“He needs you there, Q_.” She frowned, and that hurt him more than it should have. He was just so used to seeing her gorgeous smile, to see her frown was painful. _“He needs to hear your voice and know you’re there.”_

“Then I’ll just.” He sat up further and looked down at his lap for a second, trying to get his thoughts in order. “I’ll go and you’ll be here when I come back? Just like you always are?”

She smiled and gently shook her head, making the look of hope disappear, being replaced with desperation. His stomach was in his throat, and he was so scared that it made his whole body quake. “ _Not this time. I can’t stay.”_

“Please don’t do this.” His voice was barely above a whisper now, and he tried so hard to choke down the sob threatening to escape him. “Please don’t leave me.”

_“I have to go now, baby. I won’t be here when you get back.”_ Alison explained gently as Q curled up in a ball on the sofa, just letting the tears flow as his face crumpled. _“At least this way we get to say goodbye.”_

“I don’t know if I can.” He choked out, and then just wailed. His voice sounded strained, wrecked, but she just watched him and let him prepare himself. “How do I do it? How do I say it?”

_“Let it out, first. Don’t force it now_.” Alison moved as he slowly calmed himself down, and sat himself up again. He hung his head to look down at his hands, opening his palms face up and pretending he was holding her hands. Her voice was soft as she spoke to him, quieter, and he knew she was almost gone. He couldn’t feel her as strongly as he used to. “ _You’ll know what to say.”_

“I think. I think I’m ready.” His voice shook as he tried to gather the courage to say it. He looked up and met her eyes, trying to burn them into his memory forever, and he took as deep a breath as he could.

“I love you so much. You changed me in ways I didn’t think possible. Before you came along, I was so convinced I was happy just fucking around, but I was so fucking _wrong_.” He paused to steady his voice, and to try to gather his thoughts into something legible. “I think I was just waiting for you. My whole life I was just waiting until I met you, and now I have to let you go. Nobody could have loved you more than I did, _than I do._ But I have to let you go. I have to say goodbye.”

_“I love you too_.” Her voice was weak now, no more than a whisper, but he listened to her like she was real and alive and right in front of him. “ _You made me so happy but you’re right, it’s time.”_

“God, I wish I could kiss you just one more time.” Q mumbled, bringing up a hand to swipe away the tears that soaked his cheeks. “I would give anything to hold you.”

**_“Goodbye, Diamond.”_** He closed his eyes, knowing that when he opened them she’d be gone and she wouldn’t be back again. _**“Thank you for loving me.”**_

Q didn’t open his eyes for a while, ten minutes or so, because he needed to fully accept that she wasn’t there anymore. He knew she was truly gone, even with them closed, because he couldn’t feel her the way he did before. He couldn’t feel her at all. He sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve, and sighed.

_**“Goodbye, baby.”** _

___________________

Joe and Murray looked up as the family room door opened, and jumped from their seats as Q walked in. He’d been crying, his red puffy eyes gave that away, and Joe embraced him, before moving so Murray could do the same. Joe frowned after a moment, looking behind Q to where the door was still open, then back at Brian. “ _Florence not with ya?”_

“She’s gone.” Q mumbled, looking down at his feet and listening to the squeak as he kicked his toes against the linoleum. He sighed and looked up as he felt the tears brimming. “They both are.”

Joe and Murray looked at each other, sharing a knowing look. They pulled him to the seats where Q rested his head on Joe’s shoulder and Murr leaned in to rest his chin against Q’s arm, comforting him without words.

_She was gone. Finally, he’d let her go._


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with this. I know it took me a while to post all the chapters but it's finally done.

**_ One year later. _ **

Brian took a deep breath as he stepped out the car, looking up at those wrought iron gates. Joe squeezed his shoulders from behind, knowing how hard it was for him, and gently pushed him forward as Murray swung open the gate.

They walked in silence, each step sounding louder in the still of the cemetery. The grass was soft under their feet, and Q appreciated that. It made the walk easier somehow. They arrived in front of a headstone and stood together, reading over the writing and each taking a turn to press a kiss to their fingers, and place them on the marble.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year, man. That’s a long time.” Murray said quietly, still facing the stone. Joe nodded and Q sighed, crouching down to lay the flowers he’d brought with him.

“A year too long.” Joe squeezed his shoulder again, a small comforting gesture. Q stood again, feeling Murray’s hand come up to rub his back, and he blew out a breath heavily.

“It’s been a hard year for all of us.” Joe’s voice was quiet, far more reserved than the Gatto everyone was used to. Q turned to look at him and met his gaze, reciprocating the small smile Joe offered. “But you’ve come a long way. It’s good to have you back.”

After that they all stood for a while, just appreciating each other and the time they had to gather their thoughts. They left one by one, Murray first, then Joe, until finally Q was alone. He sat, undeterred by the dampness of the grass, and smiled to himself.

_“It’s been a year. I can’t believe it.”_ He thought back to that night. To his long goodbye, to the doctors rushing by them into Sal’s room as he started slipping away. He could have sworn he heard Sal’s voice over the sound of the machines and the doctors yelling to each other as they tried to bring him back. But of course he hadn’t. It was all in his head, just like she had been. He closed his eyes, knowing if he didn’t he would cry, and pushed away the memory. _“Man, I miss you.”_

Q gathered himself and got to his feet again, brushing himself down and taking one last look at the headstone, before turning and walking back to the car. Nobody said anything, not until the cemetery was far behind them. It didn’t feel right somehow? Like talking to soon would be disrespectful.

“Where to?” It was Murray who finally broke the silence, shooting Q a glance from the driver’s seat. Q thought for a moment, then had him pull over at the florist, before asking him to head to the hospital.

They made their way inside, knowing exactly where they were going. Their shoes squeaked on the floor, a sound that was all to familiar to them, and smiled as they saw who they were looking for leave a small room.

_“Hey!”_ Sal beamed as he walked toward them, nodding his head toward the flowers. _“They for me?”_

“I figure it’s been a year. We should go thank the people that saved your life.” Q smiled as the each embraced him, before handing over the bouquet. Sal nodded and smiled, turning in the direction of the unit he’d been rushed to, and fell into stride beside Q. "How was physio?"

“Looks like I'm back to my healthy self. That was my last appointnent. How was it visiting Alison?” Sal asked quietly, looking over at Brian. Q smiled and shrugged, turning to meet his eyes.

“Easier. I feel like I’ve _finally_ let her rest, and that I can move on.” Sal grinned at that, knowing how far Q had come, and nodded gently.

“You’ve got a lot of life ahead of you, buddy. I guess it’s time you actually lived it.” Q took a moment to let that sink in. Sal was right. He’d wasted so long trying to hold onto her, he didn’t realise that by setting her free, he’d set himself free too.

“ _ **Yeah. I guess it is.”**_

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder to vote or comment if you are enjoying!


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